in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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