you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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