A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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