My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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