TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
