Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
