just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have aggressive nipples.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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