wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
