I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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