I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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