i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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