1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
