He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
