Screwed.edu
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
