My friends, they love my intelligence
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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