i was born a porn star she said
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
