he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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