An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
