ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
cat food counts as protein by the way
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
