'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
