there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
