im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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