I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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