Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
