Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
