yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
