in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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