I can tuck mytits in my pants
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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