I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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