HIV tests are more positive than that guy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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