My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
