You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
