I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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