dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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