i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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