did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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