My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
