It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
