Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
