Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
