I will die if light touches me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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