I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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