forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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