i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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