I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
