I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
