Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
