He kissed a someone with a penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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