Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
