On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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