Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
