:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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