been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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