Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I puked a lego.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
