Having a random hookup so left but love u
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
