I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
