I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
