so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
