Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
