Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
