She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I looked at my own cervix.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i think my cat just said my name.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
